It's not a Diet!!!

Is it me, or does a brown van driving up the street playing creepy "come and get ice cream" music, scream something out of a horror movie, or Richard Bachman's "Regulators"?  A brown van cruises my neighborhood every night around 5:30 or 6:00 and occasionally on the weekends.  I think it used to carry seafood in its former life, because, as most cars in Phoenix with any appliques, there is faded paint reading: "come and get your crab"on the sliding door.  Regardless, I never see kids running to it like in the movies, and I tend to run from it when I hear it creeping up the street behind me while I take my dogs for their evening stroll.  Funny enough, tonight as I sit watching my back-to-back episodes of Friends on TBS (dreading my required hour of gym time that is still glaring at me from my to-do list) I now want ice cream.

Good thing I have my sugar-free raspberry Jell-o *gag* to kill my sweet tooth.  I don't want to call it dieting but I am going back to my hometown in July, and have this neurosis that is preventing me from eating any more than three balanced meals a day - no snacking.  Ugh, it is miserable and I am always staring lovingly at the candy drawer at work, but at least when I eat I can eat more than an ounce of boiled chicken breast and a quarter cup of whole grain rice without the dreaded calorie counting.

Why is it that you always want to look good when you see people you haven't seen in two years, but when you were living there it was no big deal to drink yourself into a stuper and find yourself being rescued by your brother after you passed out on the catering tables in the back room of the local Legion Post?  It is okay to get completely obliterated and have public displays of affection (this was never, ever me) with complete strangers at a street dance after a rodeo, participate in wet t-shirt contests (not me either) and throw drunken scenes in bars with your parents' friends present, but heaven forbid you put on five pounds from the last time you were home...two years ago.

While I feel them judging me for becoming fat, I also sense their disapproving stare, especially in the middle of the summer, and then they say, "I thought you were living in Phoenix, where is your nice tan?"  I want to scream at them, "Have you ever sat on metal pool furniture after it has been sitting in direct sunlight for 6 hours in 115 degree heat?"  Phoenicians that are tan in the summer are tan by other means - none of which include lounging in that heat.  All that aside, I am excited to come home - I miss it; it will always be "home" to me, and besides it wouldn't be home if you weren't ready to run screaming from town at the end of the week :)

I don't want to be that girl, but...

I'm tired. I took entirely too much school too quickly with way too much job. (Bear with me, my rant is almost finished) I would very much enjoy curling up and finishing my Arthur trilogy without that constant nagging feeling that I should be doing something else. The worst part about the whole school ordeal is that nearly 10 years ago I completed AP English in high school, tested out of English 101 in college and graduated with an English degree. Fast forward 10 years and here I sit, taking English 102 because evidently I need to have that class for my new degree. So as I write my paper on an all too predictable dichotomy of "superhuman" woman protagonist versus the bioengineering misogynistic antagonist, I find myself dumbing it down so the professor doesn't catch on to the fact that maybe I might have spent five years perfecting my bullshitting skills and in turn read my papers with the "I know you graduated with an English degree; this is not your best work" eye. (Is that a run-on sentence?) End Rant.

Recently I picked up running again, probably about 5 weeks ago, and I am finding that when done correctly and in moderation running can be a decent stress reliever. The husband and I competed in our first 5k race of the year last weekend; it was a skirt chaser race...and that is not just a clever name. The women racers were granted a 3 minute head start and all were wearing skirts - my husband still raced past me at just about the 2 mile mark. Regardless, I finished and though I won't mention my time strictly because it is still quite embarrassing, it was a good 6 and 8 minutes faster than my last two 5k's. We are thinking we may do the half marathon again in 2011 if the training holds up; we are both in agreement that running 13.1 miles without training is a very silly decision. Our next race is in Tucson in March, we are boarding the dogs and making a weekend out of it, finally visiting Tombstone and the O.K. Corral!

The husband and I have planned a few getaways this summer, with the first one being a trip home. It will be two years in August since I have been back to Montana, and am very much looking forward to it. I have told my family that there are two things I must do before returning to Arizona...camp and float. I think between my father, sister and brother-in-law I have my bases covered...I just wish I weren't wishing it were July already - nobody in their right mind wishes for summer around these parts. We have another wedding in August, this time in Cancun...I know poor me.

Random Thoughts of 2010 and Other Updates

Can I just say that I LOVE Mario World Wii.  It is a mixture of all the best Mario Worlds AND you can play two, three or four player at the same time, so you do not have to wait turns!  Mostly it is me using Luigi, who is played by my husband, as a trampoline or a human shield - its music is even reminiscent of the original Mario World for the NES!

As I attempted to conquer World 8, a thought descended on me...why is that when I get touched by lava I immediately die - not just shrink or lose a power but die; yet I can crawl all over metal that has been submerged in lava and escape virtually unscathed?  I know, I know, the entire purpose of the game is to defeat a dinosaur after conquering worlds of walking mushrooms and turtle/duck looking things all to save a princess named Peach (who might I add is constantly getting herself into trouble - I'm beginning to think bitch deserves to be locked in tower, she isn't very smart) it isn't meant to be realistic, but I couldn't help but feel that this game, geared towards children, gives the skewed idea that metal is a poor conductor of heat.  It is a core principle in Chemistry and I'm sure they'll learn, most of them do the hard way.

Needless to say Mario World mixed with a little Human Anatomy and Physiology has taken a lot of my time lately and I have been unable to get much of my book marathon complete.  I started "Pilgrim's Progress" only to become increasingly peeved at a poor attempt at a Christian Allegory...it wasn't an allegory at all; John Bunyon made no attempt at all to make this a figurative piece of work, it was simply a sermon.

I started "The Winter King" - not on my list, but a very good novel about King Arthur's rise to power in Britain.  Quite different than any other Arthurian literature I have read in the past, and I can't wait to read the entire series.  I am 8th on the list to receive Bernard Cornwell's final book in his Saxon Stories series from the library, and maybe after that I will start the book marathon training again...I have a hankering to read Lord of the Rings again, and it is on the list.  I usually begin strong only to sputter to a halt with Tom Bombadil.  I think Peter Jackson was on to something when he left him out of the movie.