Holiday Season...

is upon us...I think I may have counted around 7 different holiday commercials on yesterday during Sunday football. (I'm sure this will quadruple after Tuesday and all the political mudslinging has ended)

Still not quite the holiday season in these parts; today will be the first day in about two weeks that the temperature drops below 90. I have to admit the whole heat thing is really starting to wear on both myself and the fiance. Last week the air conditioner "broke" and the fiance was ready to pack up and flee to the autumn weather of Massachusetts; however, after the handyman came and charged us $126 to flip the circuit breaker, Arizona was back to being tolerable.

As most of you know, fiance and I live in a small, one-bedroom condo in central Phoenix. This would be nice for a family of one, but it is ready to burst at the seams with two dogs, a cat and two humans. To make matters worse, our neighbors decided to buy a dog they simply cannot take care of, and it howls through the majority of the evening. It's not especially loud, but heartbreaking to hear. Our neighbor upstairs has decided to put in a beautiful tile floor, and unfortunately for us the carpet that used to be there must have muted the sound of his fender stratocaster for the past two years.

I'm not trying to be ungrateful for what I have - it is a roof over our heads and it is an investment (not a very good one right now, but what is?) I just find it ironic that out of the 1/3 of our complex that has foreclosed, we seem to be surrounded by loud, and somewhat disgusting people. The folks next to us literally have dirt come out of their house when they open the door. It is like living next to Pigpen from the Peanuts. There is always some black goo on the floor outside their door AND they leave their garbage in the hall. For the love of Pete - have some respect for your neighbors.

Little off the topic of holiday season, but hey. So fiance and I have decided to pack up the pooches and the Wii and head to California for the Thanksgiving holiday to stay with my mother. My sister and her beau will be traveling from the Biggest Little City to join in the festivities...Should be fun, just wish it wasn't four weeks away. You go from a little kid wishing away November and December to get to Christmas for the obvious reasons. I go from November to December wishing the days away so I can finally take some time away from work. Funny how your priorities change.

So...

The confusion sets in. I think there comes a time in everyone's life when they have to decide where they want to go and what they want to do. Yet it seems to me that some people don't ever know where or what this is. I am one of these people. I want to do a great many things, but unfortunately lack the time and funds to proceed - that's the kicker...I watch people with less time and less funds do everything they want to do; just throw caution into the wind and know if they fail, tomorrow is another day and they will work though it. So it comes to my attention that I may just be lazy and scared - the worst combo by the way.

Every time I get down at work, this is my thought process: I should just quit and become a waitress and not have to work set hours, yet I don't know if I would be able to pay the bills, and ugh, in this economy? I do really want to be a teacher, maybe I could just waitress until I can pass my AEPA and get my Teacher in Residence position, that would be good...maybe I'll go to jobing.com and see what is out there. What if Chris and I decide to move? I should just wait it out until we know that, maybe I'll go to bostonworks.com and see what is out there in Massachusetts.

All this time I spend planning a life that doesn't exist instead of working with the life I am living. This, I fear, is going to be a problem, isn't that the first step...admitting that there is a problem? I keep thinking to myself that 2008 has been just awful; full of sickness, divorce, and death; for sure 2009 has to be better. I feel like I may be wishing a good part of my life away for hopes of something better in the future.

I wish there were some antidote for people like me that would prevent me from being able to think about the future and force me to live right now. I'm working on it - every day. I am tired of finding myself down in the dumps because I feel as if this is it...as good as it is going to be. I should feel happy that it can get this good.

Wedding...wedding...and more wedding...

Planning a wedding is, to say the least, not what I thought it was going to be. Last night we had meetings with a few of the vendors who will be providing the goods at the wedding. While choosing the menu, I found it wasn't what I would want to eat, because clearly I won't have the time. Hors d'oevers are served while we're having more pictures taken and dinner is time for us to walk around and visit with guests. Not that I am complaining, it just seems silly to me that I choose the menu. I should have sent out a survey to the invited guest with a "pick your favorite" and picked the top four favorites.

The one thing I was excited about was the cake design and flavors; because it is a 3-tiered cake, the top level - for fiance and I - is what we want. Apparently carrot cake is not a popular selection for a wedding cake in a consensus of guests. So I went with "I love Chocolate" and "Strawberry-Champagne" for the two other tiers. The bar was another story. Whereas hard liquor is not allowed on the premises, it is a beer and wine only reception (there is a champagne toast, but I just pretend to drink champagne...I spit it out like grade school fluoride when no one is looking). Choosing a wine merely by color is not good enough for me. I am by no means a wine-o, but this is a wedding...not a night of poker with a box of wine. There was no tasting...beer, whatever, throw something lite and regular on some ice and people will drink it. Wine, however, can definitely be an issue. I went with a Chardonnay, Cabernet Savignon, and Pinot Noir. Though I don't know the brands...so let's just prepare for the worst, but hope for the best on this one.

So now it is finding those songs to put into all the most important spots: Bride/Groom, Father/Daughter and Mother/Son. Fiance had mentioned some sweet NIN for the removal of the garter, and maybe Sheriff for the first dance. I threw up in my mouth a little bit. All I think of when I hear Sheriff is Joe Dirt. We'll compromise on this one. That's what we have a DJ for.

I'm now caught up until January (except a few little things that will need to be taken care of before then) January through March will be busy...bring it on.

I thought these were pretty flowers...so I took some pictures. They are in the garden at our wedding venue.

At the End of Every Summer...

Fiance and I fall victim to the last stretch of temperatures above the century mark and swear off Arizona forever. This summer is no different. As the temperatures continue to climb above 100 degrees, I become especially nostalgic. Dreaming of Missoula: the rain through November, and the snow through May...shit, I even miss the inversions. I miss walking to school every day...even when my scarf became rock-hard with frozen breath (sounds a bit nasty), and the top of my legs were numb and frozen to my jeans, and the smell of the UC at Christmastime. Frankly, I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss just having some sort of weather. So now it comes time again to start looking at other places to live. Sure we have a mortgage we can't be rid of, two car payments that are outrageously expensive, and two dogs and a cat (who would love a yard). Moving isn't exactly practical at this point in our lives, but for Pete's sake - people are not meant to live in this oppressive heat!

Christmastime and Thanksgiving are not meant to be enjoyed with a Corona at a pool party, and summers are not supposed to be passed away holed up in the house. One thing...I have to give Arizona credit for it's amazing winters...and after Christmas had passed I would gladly spend my days in the lukewarm days of winter...but the summer...no matter what, it never ...never... will be enjoyable. Trust me, I've tried...