On Friday, I had a miserable day at work. It was just plain frustrating. Instead of letting myself be a duck and letting it roll off, I sat and stewed in it all weekend. On Sunday, I came to a realization that being negative only adds toxicity to your life. I have enough problems controlling my stress levels, the last thing I need is added work drama on the two days of the week that are supposed to be relaxing. (Let's all pretend for one minute that we don't have cleaning, catch-up shopping and other random things we are committed to on days that we don't go to the job that has some sort of monetary gratification) Yesterday, I made it a point to be positive about everything...when I felt myself starting to slip into the "why me" mode, I simply became a duck. I find that it actually helped a little bit. So I went home feeling quite lovely, had a Mexican dinner and went to try to get my fingerprints taken. (for the third time, and this is another story) Well...I'll be back again today, because I failed to read the directions, and forgot a very vital part of the package...my cashier's check. Lord knows you can't trust anyone these days so we need money orders and cashier's checks to pay for things. So I cry out "Oh, for the Love of Pete," and quickly turned to the lady helping me and said, "Oh, that wasn't directed at you."
Now normal me would have gotten into the car and peeled out, heading home at mach 5. (1 701.45 m /s - looked it up...thanks wikipedia!) Instead I channeled the negative energy into normal energy and went to the gym for a wee bit, swam a half a mile and sat in the steam room. I just let all those little beads of sweat carry all the angry out of me. I giggled a little bit as I pictured an angry face falling and shattering on the tile - I think the others in the steam room thought I might have been in there just a bit too long.
For the first time in weeks, I went to bed and fell asleep without staring at the wall for hours letting all the angry little thoughts manifest themselves into some gigantic scenario. Usually I see myself homeless, jobless, friendless and fat. Last night I saw my pillow and crashed. Could it be a lack of the negative? Maybe. This experiment is still in the developmental stages - we'll see how long it lasts. I was up before the sun this morning (5:00 a.m. down here) and ran three miles - easily.
Here is a picture my sister sent me last night of Christmas Eve in 2005. I see I'm drinking beer and have drunk eye. No, my sister doesn't have drunk eye, she is missing one. Maybe I am subconsciously being sympathetic?
